Buddy please,
there’s no need to apologize.
It’s just a bloody nose, it’s no big deal.
We’ve done way worse things before.
Remember that game,
Where I hit you in the face with the football?
We spent half an hour on our hands and knees
Searching for your tooth that I inadvertently knocked out.
I never even apologized about it,
I laughed hysterically instead.
‘Cause you were making goofy, gapped grins
as we rushed you to the orthodontist.
At least this time, it’s only a bloody nose.
Nothing lost or broken.
While those chicks were cheering us on from the couch
As we wrestled around in an attempt to catch their attention.
And for the record, I did win that round.
‘Cause they shrieked excitedly as I pinned you down
Despite your cheap attempts at fishhooking as a distraction.
Then, with toilet paper jammed up my nose,
We cool off out on the lawn,
with a fresh breath of smoke
and talk for hours about sports and our cars.
Tomorrow you’ll probably call me to crash another party.
Where I’ll have to back you up when you’re feeling kind of rowdy.
I always warn you not to hit on the chicks
who already have a man.
But it’s cool ‘cause I owe you for all those times
You’ve bailed me out of a jam
when I start drunken fights over cards.
And all those times I blacked out
Then wake up on your couch and see
A half drunken glass of water
And a blanket.
Though I’m content going downtown hopping bars
And moshing at punk concerts,
It makes me jealous when I see you
Flaunting your hot, new girlfriend.
I suddenly tense up when you’re laughing
With your drunken arm around my shoulder.
I jokingly call you queer
Because I don’t know what else I should say.
It’s because I’m jealous.
But not of you,
I’m jealous of her.
But I’ll let you keep thinking it’s the former.
